Against the Grain

Slightly more than just jibba jabba

What Exactly *IS the Spirit of Christmas?

Posted by Patrick on 24 Dec 2009

People kill me. That is, I am often astounded by the things people say without having a clue what they are actually saying. Sprinkle in a few teaspoons of Winter and the zest of 1/2 a December, and you’ve basically got a recipe for a Christmas holiday filled with piping hot idiocy. One thing I hear people say all the time – and I literally mean *all the time – is that they are in, trying to get into, aren’t in, or wish they could be in this thing, this psychological state of existence that they always call “the Christmas spirit”.

If I ask someone, “What *is the Christmas spirit?” I generally get some rote story about how it’s a season of giving and goodwill to all or some cockamamie random noise resembling that. That’s all well and good, but if I ask that same person, “So, shouldn’t you have that frame of mind, like, all year instead of just around the end of December?” most people answer, “Well, yeah, but it’s Christmas, and that’s different.” Have you ever argued with a 9-year-old that your peanut butter sandwich is bigger than theirs and gotten the “nuh-uhhhh(!) mine’s bigger” treatment? It’s the same argument, just on adults with marginally more intelligence than the 4th grader.

So, generalizing, the argument is, “Be a good person all year, but during the holidays, be in the Christmas spirit”. Baffling. I sought to figure out this so-called spirit of Christmas, and maybe learn a little bit about how to elevate my goodwill towards humankind to some higher eschelon of awareness that evidently only surfaces as a year draws to its undeniable close. evidently possesses a 12-step program (ok, 11) for how to get into this alleged spirit, but their most important tip is to “shop early”. I love how the difficulty of executing the article’s advice is rated as “Moderately Easy”, since the concept is evidently foreign to so many. So, according to this article, I’m going to be enlightened by doing some shopping, by donating some ching to a Christianity-based charity that (allegedly) runs with shady financial disclosures and (most definitely) discriminates against homosexuals, by decorating my house in an evil palette clash of red and green, and by exercising my fiduciary duty to not go broke?

Well, that can’t exactly be true. So, I continued my search. The article said I should decorate my house; maybe some of the traditions that Americans follow will be the correct path. Let’s see. How about a Yule Log? CERTAINLY a Yule Log would be a Christmas Spirit thing to do, right? Well, actually the yule log has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas at all – it was actually a druid/pagan ritual method of warding off harmful spirits that might come out during the extended darkness of the Winter Solstice. Christianity actually adopted the yule log as part of its own muddled traditions to try to gain more converts as the religion infected most of Western Europe. (yes, I said infected). So, that can’t be it, it has nothing to do with Christmas.

OH I KNOW, how about a Christmas tree?! Everybody knows that Christmas trees are what Santa puts presents under – boy oh boy it just wouldn’t be Christmas without one of those. Any good Christian that wants to celebrate the birthday of Jesus would have one, right? Well, honestly, bullshit. Even the Christian Bible says in Jeremiah 10:2-4 that you shouldn’t cut down trees – and though devouts will argue that it is out of context, it says what it says. But still, a tree for Christmas? Borrowed from Pagan tradition? Yes. Did Pagans cut down a tree and take it indoors? No, that would be against their fundamental values. Chopping down a perfectly good tree and fancying it up didn’t start until really around the 16th century, and of course that was done by Christians – Protestants, specifically, like Martin Luther. Environmental warfare is the key to the Christmas spirit? Doesn’t seem quite right. Maybe it needs salt.

How about “Happy Birthday Jesus”! I guess Christians really do need something to hang their hat on if they’re seriously doing up birthday cakes for Jesus. Wow, you people are really off your rockers, let me tell ya. While it is true that people give a rats to celebrate such a thing, why do they do that? Or, more importantly, why does history suggest that there is no accurate knowledge of his actual birthday and the Roman church arbitrarily chose 12/25 when his birthday is astronomically closer to May 14th? Happy Birthday my ass; that tradition didn’t even start until AD 336, so there were centuries of it not being celebrated – why start now? Oh, cake! Is it lemon cake with chocolate frosting? I’m in. Seriously, is this the Christmas spirit manifesting itself? Do I need to call up my Costco bakery and get a full-sheet Jesus cake to get my festive on?


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My Foolish Review of “Fool” by Christopher Moore

Posted by Patrick on 24 Feb 2009

I picked up Chris’ new book the day it came out – I hesitated to read it right away because I knew I was going to attend the book signing stop in Denver, and I’d hoped to be able to hold out that long. However, I couldn’t actually resist for more than a few days, and I dove in anyway. What I found is that, like so many of Chris’ other stories, it starts strong and maintains momentum throughout.

Surely, you can’t take Shakespeare and make the bard’s plays better. Surely you can’t twist fate from some of the most widely-read scripts in the history of the world and make them better. Well, of course not. Chris doesn’t try to do that, either. He is recognized as one of the great satirists of our time, and with good reason. Fool doesn’t offend the purist, and doesn’t disappoint those seeking heavy doses of the elixir Chris provides.

I know that many have not yet read the story, so I shan’t spoil it for you, but it is a glorious mashup retelling of King Lear, with convenient borrows from other Shakespearean works, and from the perspective of Lear’s fool. In the play, the fool has no name – I found it great to have Chris name him Pocket (after his diminutive stature). We learn about his upbringing, about how he came to be the fool in Lear’s court, and about some serious misadventures in medieval Europe which spin the tale.

If you are familiar with King Lear proper, or even if you are not, you will love the tenacity that Chris brings to that world. I wouldn’t recommend reading “King Lear” before investing in Fool – there is certainly enough information in the story to carry it without foreknowledge of the plot.

But, the story is not for everyone. Even Chris says, as he is known to do, that it’s a bawdy tale packed with action and “action”. If you’re a reader easily offended by bad words and debauchery, you probably wouldn’t like the story at all – and let me recommend Pride and Prejudice as an alternative read.

Overall rating: 9.8/A+

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The 12 Steaks of Christmas

Posted by Patrick on 13 Dec 2008

This year, I’ve decided to take on a feat in defying arteriosclerosis. I’ve undertaken a challenge that I like to call the 12 steaks of Christmas.

First, a few notes to fend off religious naysayers. I am not attempting to emulate the real 12 days of Christmas, nor am I trying to connote that my consumption of a copiously large sum of beef equates to some form of religious ritual or any other object which may be related in some daft way to the practice of any organized religion. I’m simply a beef-eating grilling machine with a hunger for some steaks. Take it at face value.

Before taking on this challenge yourself, I suggest that you read up on the health risks associated with consuming red meat (mammalian meat) in large quantities. I’m not a vegetarian but I eat a heap of vegetables at every meal where I also consume these large steaks – mostly because I personally know the risks of binging on beef fat. Also, I plan to take the month of January off from most meats – though I do eat a significant amount of fish and chicken at home, which are both still meat but they’re not mammalian meats. My main rule is that every steak needs to be at least 1 pound – the goal is to get 15 pounds down during this course, since some cuts are significantly larger.

So – here’s the schedule.
#1 – 16oz. top sirloin
#2 – 18oz. NY strip
#3 – Chateaubriand, biggest I can find.
#4 – the biggest steak I can find (50oz Porterhouse)
#5 – 18oz. T-bone
#6 – 18oz. contre-filet delmonico
#7 – 18oz. ribeye
#8 – 24oz. flank steak
#9 – 16oz. top round steak
#10 – 16oz. shoulder steak (or a tri-tip if I can’t find one that big)
#11 – the biggest filet mignon I can find
#12 – 5 pound prime rib feast for all!

I started this quest early in December. Every other day until Christmas Eve I plan to knock one of these off the list. When I told my butcher about my task, he said he was up for it – they don’t normally keep all of these cuts (esp the delmonico) but they’ve done them up nicely when I asked for them. The most expensive one – aside from the porterhouse which I actually dined out to get – was the chateaubriand, but that’s to be expected since it’s a very specific cut and has a low yield per head. I found some that were just over 17oz, so that was the deed.

Except for the prime rib, these will all be grilled. I am a dedicated charcoal griller and I refuse to convert to gas, even in Colorado where there are burning restrictions.

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What Kind of Dumbass Says “Perhaps So” About Nuclear War to Get Elected

Posted by Patrick on 11 Sep 2008

Let me first say, I’m not going to discriminate against anyone. I dole out my opinions in a blanket fashion for all to endure equally. Does “lipstick on a pig” pertain to Sarah Palin if Obama says it? No, of course not, and stop being a whining dumbass about it. Even if it did – thought it doesn’t, imagine that – she has the whole pitbull image but couldn’t take a harmless dig? Ok, on to the interview that Charlie Gibson had with Sarah Palin.

My first thought was: “omgwow, I can’t believe the Reps let this lady sit through this interview.” This interview with Sarah Palin may have been historic, but it really opened my eyes to what kind of person she is, how little she actually knows about a)things outside of Alaska, b)the current presidency, and c)the state of the world, and a little bit into why McCain would have chosen her. Although, now he may be wishing he didn’t.

I thought Charlie Gibson was fair – that he did a good, unbiased job of asking for her position on stuff outside of Alaska and being a stickler for making her answer the questions he asked instead of letting her keep sidestepping them when she didn’t know the answer. There were a few things that I just found uber hard to believe.

It must be only because she’s from Alaska that we had to hear how bring a former Oil commission chairman meant that she had credentials in national security, and she was touting it like some magic ace in the hole.

When he said “But this is not just reforming a government. This is also running a government on the huge international stage in a very dangerous world. When I asked John McCain about your national security credentials, he cited the fact that you have commanded the Alaskan National Guard and that Alaska is close to Russia. Are those sufficient credentials?”

Her response was “But it is about reform of government and it’s about putting government back on the side of the people, and that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie, and that’s with the energy independence that I’ve been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy, that I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, overseeing the oil and gas development in our state to produce more for the United States.”

She’s been working on energy independence for “these years” as a governor? How many years is that, Pyle? Sir, 1 and a half, sir!

My feedback was the same as Charlie’s feedback, “I’m just saying that national security is a whole lot more than energy.”

When Charlie asked “Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?” she had no idea what it is. Here is the text of that discussion – I laughed because I hate politics but I knew what the Bush doctrine is.

CG: Do you agree with the Bush doctrine?
SP: In what respect, Charlie?
CG: The Bush – well, what do you – what do you interpret it to be?
SP: His world view.
CG: No, the Bush doctrine, enunciated September 2002, before the Iraq war.
SP: I believe that what President Bush has attempted to do is rid this world of Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way, though. There have been mistakes made. And with new leadership, and that’s the beauty of American elections, of course, and democracy, is with new leadership comes opportunity to do things better. CG: The Bush doctrine, as I understand it, is that we have the right of anticipatory self-defense, that we have the right to a preemptive strike against any other country that we think is going to attack us. Do you agree with that?
SP: Charlie, if there is legitimate and enough intelligence that tells us that a strike is imminent against American people, we have every right to defend our country. In fact, the president has the obligation, the duty to defend.

It doesn’t take an astute person to call bullshit. I felt like I was watching a high school kid that didn’t do their homework get called on in class. Was Charlie picking on her “because she’s a woman”? Don’t be a dumbass, no. He was trying to get her to answer the question even if he had to give her a dissertation on what someone that is trying to be VP should already know.

But hold the phones, we’re going to talk about something VERY, VERY SCARY that she said. I would type this out but I found it online at, so I’m just going to copy it from their site. This is the exchange where she basically said that we’d possibly have to go to war with Russia if they invade one of the countries that she believes should be in NATO.

GIBSON: And under the NATO treaty, wouldn’t we then have to go to war if Russia went into Georgia?
PALIN: Perhaps so. I mean, that is the agreement when you are a NATO ally, is if another country is attacked, you’re going to be expected to be called upon and help.

But NATO, I think, should include Ukraine, definitely, at this point and I think that we need to — especially with new leadership coming in on January 20, being sworn on, on either ticket, we have got to make sure that we strengthen our allies, our ties with each one of those NATO members.

We have got to make sure that that is the group that can be counted upon to defend one another in a very dangerous world today.

GIBSON: And you think it would be worth it to the United States, Georgia is worth it to the United States to go to war if Russia were to invade.

PALIN: What I think is that smaller democratic countries that are invaded by a larger power is something for us to be vigilant against. We have got to be cognizant of what the consequences are if a larger power is able to take over smaller democratic countries.

And we have got to be vigilant. We have got to show the support, in this case, for Georgia. The support that we can show is economic sanctions perhaps against Russia, if this is what it leads to.

It doesn’t have to lead to war and it doesn’t have to lead, as I said, to a Cold War, but economic sanctions, diplomatic pressure, again, counting on our allies to help us do that in this mission of keeping our eye on Russia and Putin and some of his desire to control and to control much more than smaller democratic countries.

His mission, if it is to control energy supplies, also, coming from and through Russia, that’s a dangerous position for our world to be in, if we were to allow that to happen.

Is this the person who you want fingering the nuclear button? And did you notice that she can’t say the word “nuclear” just like Bush can’t say it? It always sounds like “nucyelehr”. No politician in their right MIND would say that. Maybe Bush would have said that after a few shots of Gentleman Jack, but even he is sharp enough to dodge THAT question. Is that change? Hell yes it is. Is it change that you actually want? Hell no it isn’t. If the stated priority is protecting America, WTF? Here’s a hint, if they have nukes, DON’T CALL THEM OUT ON TV. Could you imaging if the Cuban Missile Crisis was conducted like that? Oh, nevermind, JFK was a.. say it with me.. De-mo-crat.

And wow, when it came time to answer 1 simple question about her foreign policy judgement, she had no idea how to respond. Does this sound like change to you?

CG:”Do we have the right to be making cross-border attacks into Pakistan from Afghanistan, with or without the approval of the Pakistani government?”

SP:”As for our right to.. invade.. we’re gonna work with these countries, building new relationships, working with existing allies, but forging new, also, in order to, Charlie, get to a point in this world where war is not going to be a first option in fact, war has got to be a military strike.. a last option”

“But Governor, I’m asking you, we have the right in your mind, to go across the border with or without the approval of the Pakistani government?”

“In order to stop Islamic extremists, those terrorists who would seek to destroy America and our allies, we must do whatever it takes and we must not blink, Charlie, in making those tough decisions of where we go and who we target

“… I got lost in a blizzard of words there; is that a yes, that you think we have the right to go across the border, with or without the approval of the Pakistani government, to go after terrorists who are in the Waziristan area?”

“I believe that America has to exercise all options in order to stop the terrorists who are hell-bent on destroying America and our allies. We have got to have all options out there on the table.”

I maintain that I am an undecided voter until after the debates are held. But wow, one more of these from the Republican folks and I am going to have to vote against. I hear a lot of half-truth from the Republicans all over the place, and I hear a lot of banter about how “our plans are better” but we have no idea what the details of their plans are.

What’s sad is that so many Americans care so little about politics yet they want to vote. So they see the MILF on TV and vote for that, regardless of what their vote represents. I admit, if I knew nothing, I’d be in that boat as well – the whole “hey look, McCain’s got a second trophy for his office” opinion – but wow it’s hard to un-say what this lady said about our potential future.

You can read through this (congratulations) and berate me if you wish, on 2 conditions. 1) bring your A game and 2) back up what you say with facts that are verifiable and include some kind of non-partisan reference to your facts.

*edit: corrected post title to “Perhaps So” from “Possibly So”

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Is Chrome THAT Bad-ass? Probably, and probably not

Posted by Patrick on 2 Sep 2008

Out on the wild, wild Interweb, there are people spouting praise upon praise upon praise for the promise of Google’s new web browser, Chrome, which made its debut today.

I must admit, I am a fan of it. I really do like it. But it’s not the second coming of a bread-slicer (at least, not in its beta form) but I’d say it does do a great number of things in new, ingenious ways. You can read all over the web about how well it breaks down browsing into separate processes, how it manages memory, how it holyshitifies the speed of javascript apps running browser-side.

But let’s be real. First impressions are a big deal in this Age. People are upset that Windoze is the only currently-supported OS. Whilst the majority want a Mac/Linux port, I personally want to see a mobile port to compare it to Opera Mini, which absolutely rocks except for how it manages cookies (maybe it’s only on my bberry – separate post). Sure it’ll be part of Android, but how about something for RIM or CE users to really grab hold of the mobile web market? Of course, I’m sure it’s planned.

Also, even on Windows, it has issues with how it handles some pages that were designed for either IE or Fox/Flock. Of note are pages I use at work which run frame-based UIs over Tomcat are rendered completely blank (cue the “Let’s Make a Deal” zonk music). Parts of my homepage are Flash-based and they don’t render properly. My personal email web-UI doesn’t render properly and runs in limited feature mode.

There is certainly work to be done – duh, that’s why it’s a beta. So, while Chrome may eventually turn out so badass that it was indeed the brains behind creating the Virgin Mary in all those inanimate objects like grilled cheese sammiches, right now it’s a somewhat sweet, slightly buggy, yet exhilirating, fresh take on web browsing. NOW GIVE ME SOME PLUGINS!

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My review of The Dark Night: A / 9.6

Posted by Patrick on 23 Jul 2008

As always with my reviews, I first need to say that I will probably dive into some spoiler territory with this review, so please don’t bother to read this entire post if you don’t want to encounter any spoiler material, even if I include it accidentally without forewarning. If you don’t want to read this post, you should know that:

* I ultimately rate this movie an A on the education scale
* a 9.6 on the 10-point Richter scale
* There is a lion’s share of violence (weapon-based violence) in this movie. If you’re one of those parents who wants to shield your kids from this kind of stuff, leave them at home.

and with that, if you don’t want to encounter any spoilers you may safely stop reading this article.

If you’re expecting something that includes a funny scene just because it has the Joker, you’re misguided on this movie. If you’re expecting a continuation of Nicholson’s Joker character, you’re also a fair bit off center with where this movie goes. It is a very, VERY knife-edge serious movie right from the opening scene, and it does not let up in the least until the credits roll.

Now, on to the review. First and foremost, I loved this movie. I thought it was beautifully executed in nearly every way. Even the color timings and the vividness of the scenery, despite being mostly filmed in Chicago, was great. I think Chicago was the perfect setting for this movie – it’s gritty, urban, and has that aura that naturally makes it great for this kind of movie. I should say, it is the best Gotham City that we have seen on the screen (in my opinion).

***SPOILER ALERT*** I may bring up some things that happen in the movie. If you want to avoid that possibility, you probably don’t need to click. No refunds.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Golf, Summer, Beer and Healing

Posted by Patrick on 12 Jul 2008

Some of the email I get says that I never talk about what I’m doing offline in-between blog posts. So, I’m going to take this golden opportunity to summarize my week.

If I had to sum it up in 1 phrase, it would be: golf, summer, beer and healing. Consider this calendar of events starting last Sunday (7/6):

  • Sunday: 18 at South Suburban
  • Monday: 10 miles on the bike; 1 crash resulting in a wrecked knee
  • Tuesday: driving range – short game and bunker practice
  • Wednesday: 15 miles on the bike; driving range – short game and putting practice
  • Thursday: 9 at Lone Tree (front 9)
  • Friday: 9 at South Suburban (front 9), out drinking with Brian and Mora
  • Saturday: 15 miles on the bike; driving range (165)
  • Sunday (tomorrow): 18 at Highlands Ranch; 18 at Raccoon Creek

Mostly, I need to heal up this week, but it isn’t really going to happen. I think I’m playing as much as anyone I know. Combined with the bicycling that I’ve been doing now that my ankle is strong enough to ride again, I’m pretty much exhausted.

On the more restful side of things, I participated in Colorado’s new state law that allows the sale of alcohol on Sundays. Being the 32nd state to do away with the blue law which had been in effect since the prohibition era isn’t so special, but being from the South as I am I did feel a little bit awkward walking into Davidson’s last Sunday to grab some brewzilla.

Speaking of beer, I tried the New Belgium (their website is great btw) dabble in fruited ambers (it’s called “Old Cherry”) and I wasn’t impressed. My basis of comparison is Samuel Adams’ Cherry Wheat. I thought Old Cherry was really, really bad. This is from me, the only guy in my entire family that likes La Folie (I love that beer). It’s a lot like Fat Tire with grenadine in it – I just couldn’t get into the taste at all. Sorry NB brewers, but I’ll take some Mighty Arrow anyday.

After 36 holes tomorrow I’m going to really take about a week off from golf. I need to. My swing is getting out of shape, my right hand is starting to get blistered through its calluses, and my feet are just tired from walking with my bag up and down the Colorado landscape.

So, that’s what I’m doing. But, if the weather’s nice all week next week, I’m sure I’ll find a way to get some golf in.

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You Might be a Soccer Mom if…

Posted by Patrick on 6 Apr 2008

I’m not quite done with this post yet, but I’m going to go ahead and publish it anyway. I’m sure that I’ll get mixed reviews since I have a pretty cynical, mixed gender audience. I mean to entertain as well as offer up some personal frustrations associated with living in Denver, the land of the California transplants cross-bred with 400k illegal immigrants – if it’s not funny, no refunds; you’re not obligated to read.

Here’s a not so new take on a concept that is recently just getting me more and more upset with American society – behold, the advent of the soccer mom and her place in the world. Much akin to the redneck in many regards, I have uncovered several behavioral habits and nuances and made several observations which may help you to identify if you are indeed one of this breed. I’m sorry if you are.

You might be a soccer mom if…

  • …you own more down vests than you own jackets.
  • …you have ever ordered Starbucks (or its equivalent) as decaf 1/2 skim 1/2 soy nofoam nowhip
  • …every one of your children wears crocs in the snow
  • …your primary means of communication with other people is by cell phone. while driving. and drinking your coffee.
  • …you never take the time to properly park your larger-than-the-parking-space SUV.
  • …long-sleeved turtleneck shirts are the extent of your fashion sense.
  • …your pants get tucked in to your boots, no matter the season. Even in summer.
  • …you traded in an SUV, mid-size sedan, or a minivan to get a new, roomier minivan with captain’s chairs
  • …you refuse to put gas in your own car because “that’s my husband’s job” tee hee hee when actually you don’t know how to use the gas pump.
  • …you own more foldable beach/lawn chairs than wooden ones. If you use both indoors, then you may be a redneck soccer mom.
  • …you let your kids wander off in a store so you can have some peace and quiet for your cell phone conversation. about what your friends are wearing. and why they should go see a hair stylist.
  • …you keep more food in the minivan for the kids than in the cupboards.
  • …you drink “chai” because one of your cell phone friends says it’s healthy, and you believe her.
  • …you actually have kids that play soccer, but you have no idea how the game is played.
  • …you actually have kids that play soccer, and you are rabid with the airhorn every time your kid gets a touch.
  • …your idea of “going out to eat” is hitting a McDonalds or Chik-fil-A with an indoor playground so the kids can play instead of eat.
  • …the highlight of your day is when one of your cellphone friends actually calls you when you’re driving.
  • …your idea of competition is keeping up with your soccer mom neighbors’ purchases.
  • …you’ve ever hosted a partylite, tupperware, amway, pampered chef or mary kay party for which you are not the “distributor” or “agent”
  • …you have ever been an agent for a pyramid scheme goods company and tattooed your ambition on your car(s) with decals.

Posted in humor, omfg, opinion, the bastardization of America | Tagged: , , | 3 Comments »

BCS Playoffs – 2007 Matchups

Posted by Patrick on 13 Dec 2007

Let’s assume for a minute that the NCAA’s FBS, that would be the organization formerly known as Division 1-A, were to institute a playoff system with this years teams.  And just for laughs let’s say it’s a 16-team tournament even though the top 10 teams are the only “BCS bowl” team under the current hokey-ass, lamefied system.  Using that bracket as a basis (go to ESPN if you can’t visualize a 16-team bracket), let’s look at what the matchups would be and which one would be the “best”.  Also, yell loudly when you spot a “bad” game in any round.

First Round:
1 Ohio State
vs 16 Tennessee
8 Kansas vs 9 West Virginia

5 Georgia vs 12 Florida
4 Oklahoma vs 13 Illinois (I’m yelling loudly)

3 Virginia Tech vs 14 Boston College
6 Missouri vs 11 Arizona State

7 USC vs 10 Hawaii
2 LSU vs 15 Clemson

The best matchup in this round, if you ask me, is USC vs Hawaii.  I’m tempted to say it’s UGA versus Florida in a rematch of the annual world’s largest cocktail party, but honestly Florida should be scared of UGA right now.  So no, USC vs Hawaii.  We’re talking about Petey Carroll and his pretty boy JD Bootylicious with all that offense taking on Juniper Jones and Colt 45 Brennan and all their offense.  Neither team really does well on defense – yeah, ok USC at least fields 11 capable athletes, but let’s face it that their defense is the reason they’re not in the top 3.

Best chance for an upset:  Arizona State over Missouri in my book.  Though it’s not really an upset, I think WV would take out Kansas as well.  My picks are in bold.

Second Round:
Ohio State vs 9 West Virginia
5 Georgia vs 4
3 Virginia Tech vs 11
Arizona State
7 USC vs 2 LSU

The best game in this round, and probably the best matchup you are going to get out of these teams, is Georgia vs Oklahoma.  Face facts folks, at the end of the 2007 season, Oklahoma is scary good – Georgia is omfg scary good.  Let’s also realize that Georgia was 1 triple overtime Tennessee game versus Kentucky away from being in the SEC title game against LSU, whom they would have taken behind the woodshed and been ranked #1 or #2 at the end of the season – frankly I think they are the hottest team in college football right now – maybe they weren’t for the whole season, but for right now, they are executing with the most horsepower.  But what makes this matchup so great is that Oklahoma is the true #2 team in my opinion.  OU got lots of dap for winning the Big 12 with pollsters, but found themselves at #4 regardless.  Sadly, only one team can move forward, and I’m picking Georgia in a close, physical battle.

Best upset chance: West Virginia destroys Ohio State in a laugher.

West Virginia vs 5 Georgia
3 Virginia Tech vs 2

I just raved about UGA, so I’ll talk about why VT will beat LSU.  It’s because of Les Miles and his general inability to manage a game; in this match he’s going to do something boneheaded and it’s going to cost his hard-working team the game.  Not to discredit VT, because they are going to put points on the board vs LSU’s mediocre secondary and “hey he breathed on me so throw a flag” mentality.  This team may be spouting about “we were only 2x 3OT losses away from being undefeated”, but at that point, a loss is a loss – if you’re a good enough team, win the game in four quarters and keep your panties on your waist whining about triple overtime.  if your defense could hold a goal line, they wouldn’t have lost either game anyway.  I’ve got VT over LSU somewhere in the 31-20 range.

Championship Game:
5 Georgia vs 3
Virginia Tech

Yes, so it comes down to this for all the hypothetical marbles you want to throw into the circle.  As I already said, Georgia is omfg scary good right now.  Like cakerockstheparty said in such eloquent words, the dawgs are “out for blood”, Turnbull A.C.’s be damned.  I’ve got them taking this tournament against VT in a game somewhere around 27-23 – a close one.

So, if you’re a Georgia fan, let me hear some love! 

Will college football ever see a playoff? Yes.  Will we be old, crotchety men shaking our canes at the TV by then? Maybe.

Posted in educational, entertainment, football, humor, NCAA, News Items, omfg, opinion, sports, what would happen if... | 3 Comments »

Taking Bets on Hayden’s Closet Status

Posted by Patrick on 10 Dec 2007

We all read the interview or saw the video online where Hayden Panettiere is quoted as saying that she’d love to have an affair with Angelina Jolie, among other hotties with whom many men also want to have an affair.  She’s saying that she’s ok with the media portraying her as a lesbian candidate but didn’t come out and make a statement in either direction about what her reality is.

Before I get down this path, I want to say first that I tolerate all people and their lifestyles as readers of this blog; I don’t bash many types of people simply because of who they are – where I draw my line is when one group of people aims to infringe on the rights of others or the rights of unsuspecting bystanders.  In this case, that is – in the context of this post, if the subject is homosexuality or bisexuality, that’s fine with me.  I have several friends who are one or the other, as many of us do, and I accept people who lead this lifestyle alongside my peers.  For the record, I have voted in favor of gay rights every time I’ve voted on an issue because I believe the old Christian principles, while valuable and influential to a large audience in the US, infringe on the rights of those who may even practice another religion.

Sorry for the diatribe; I want to check my guns at the gate before proceeding.

So, let’s set some odds on Hayden’s quoted relationship candidates and the chances that the hookup will ever happen. I’ll open with these:

Hayden and Angelina:  75:1
Hayden and Charlize:  50:1
Hayden and Jessica Alba:  200:1
Hayden and Kate Beckinsdale:  100:1

Hayden and any currently-declared celebrity B/L:   15:1

At least 1 year passing with no announced hookups:  7:4

What would I pay to see?  How about an episode of Heroes where Hayden and Kristen Bell get steamy; yep that would hold my attention.

Posted in culture, entertainment, heroes, hotties, opinion, TV, women | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »