Against the Grain

Slightly more than just jibba jabba

Nicole Ritchie arrested

Posted by Patrick on 12 Dec 2006

I could hardly believe it myself; Nicole Ritchie gets pulled over and arrested for suspected DUI in Burbank.  Ok, so it turned out that she was amped up on a little bud and some vicodin, which is probably worse than just being drunk. Does this girl need any more negative attention?  I mean, everyone who is anyone has been riding her tail since the first season of “The Simple Life” to eat a few cheeseburgers.  I’ve probably got 86 pounds between my shoulders and hips for crying out loud. is hosting the “DUI 911 calls” in their The Fan media wheelie (which I happen to think it pretty interesting) if you want to hear the sloppy details.  Earlier today they also had her mugshot up, which was one of the best mugshots I’ve ever seen.

So what is truly the deal with this troubled child?  I know if my dad was Mr. Dancing on the Ceiling, Mr. All Night Long, Mr. Truly, Mr. I-am-the-most-famous-singer-ever-from-Tuskegee-Alabama, I’d do a little better with my own facetime rather than traipsing around SoCal pretending that I’m a wafer-thin partying fashion diva just because I’m friends with Paris Hilton, who also doesn’t need any more negative publicity right about now (don’t get me started: I like her style, but she’s too random).

Advice for Miss Nicole — welcome to the planet Earth; you’re in LA, so go to Fatburger, eat something substantial and get an Oreo milkshake. Digest it all — let it only enter a toilet by way of biology’s natural cycle.  Repeat twice weekly.  I’m sure you could send someone to get it for you if something like that is too beneath your style.  I hope you take vitamins or something — better yet, perhaps you just swallow to stay healthy.


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