Against the Grain

Slightly more than just jibba jabba

Jesus Freak Wants Harry Potter Out of School Libraries

Posted by Patrick on 18 Dec 2006

Wow. I thought I was going to lose my mind when I heard about this crazy Jesus freak down in Loganville, Georgia (a little northeast of Atlanta on the way to Athens, in Gwinnett County). Being that I am from Georgia myself, I have no problem calling this lady stupid and I may just bestow the Dumbass of the Year award upon her — this may come as a shock that I would shift the award’s recipient so close to the end of the year, but the cake, as they say, has been taken by this one.

So, what would get me so worked up on this one? The lady is represending a group of “concerned parents” who have been reading up on the messages of these books from “a variety of Christian message boards and Harry Potter fan sites”. So, let’s stop the train right there. Have any of these parents actually read any of the books? Likely not if they are so adamantly opposed to them. Doesn’t everyone in the current generation know that fansites are typically out of hand and detached completely from the actual things they represent? Obviously not if you’re from Podunk, GA where the main concern is how a work of obvious fiction has a chance to shape the minds of children and actually expose them to what a well-written, creative story should be like.

If these parents are so concerned that their children will be warped into some demon, here’s a news flash — take away all of your children’s personal freedom and don’t let them read the books. In fact, why don’t you just home school your kids so you can warp their mind in a different way instead of them understanding the world and letting them choose whatever you are trying to teach them. This stupid bitch said “they’re really very long and I have four kids…I don’t have to read an entire pornographic magazine to know it’s obscene” in reference to these books in justifying why she hadn’t read them herself. She wants the series to be replaced with “Left Behind” books. I wonder if she’s read those? Not only are they just as long as HP books, there’s more of them!

So, she had her chance to present the case to the county school board back in April. And she did. And on the 15th of this month, the school board ruled that the books were allowed to stay. The Gwinnett Daily Post quoted, “school district officials countered that the books have increased interest in reading among students and contain wholesome themes, including the triumph of good over evil and the power of a mother’s love. They said banning works of fiction with references to witchcraft would force schools to empty their shelves of such classics as ‘The Wizard of Oz,’ ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and the popular ‘Lord of the Rings’ and ‘Chronicles of Narnia’ series.” To that I say, yes, the school board is right about something (for once).

The lady is considering appealing to the state board of education because she was a gripewench saying that she didn’t get to call “expert witnesses”, who I’m sure were either self-ordained bible-thumping pastors or brainwashed kids who were supposed to say the books scared them or they’d be upsetting Jesus himself. No professional psychologist or literary expert is going to say that JK Rowling’s masterpieces are any more influential than other book serieses with similar themes, unless they, too, are a self-ordained bible-thumping pastor.

I wish this lady would contact a Catholic priest, a Jewish rabbi and a Buddhist priest. Why, you say? Well, let’s just say that I’m sure this lady would do no such thing since she’s clearly a strong Southern Baptist and probably even in the choir. Since none of those three faiths believe that Jesus was anything more than a minor saint, though all concur that he lived, I’m sure she would think having a religious discussion with either of those three would be just as blasphemous as her kid reading an HP book. Kind of like she needs to take a spoonful of her own medicine, honestly.

Lady, I have made up my mind. After hearing you say that HP books promote Wicca and that they violate the First Amendment because their presence in schools equates to a state-sponsored religious advocacy (if that isn’t reaching for straws); after hearing you say that there’s a reason it’s the most challenged book series in this country, when in fact it’s the most challenged book series in the entire world because it’s 1) a wonderful story, 2) something that kids actually like and 3) their Jesus freak parents don’t take time to appreciate; after hearing you say that you’d rather replace the books with “The Chronicles of Narnia” series, which also promotes witchcraft and sacrifice and is themed similarly to HP (did you not read these books as a kid, or even watch the movie?); yes, at the end of all these things, I have decided that you are much more deserving of the DotY award.

Mrs. Laura Mallory of Loganville, Georgia, it is my honor to bestow upon you the third annual Dumbass of the Year award, and with it all the ridicule that your tiny little closed-off Jesus-freak mind can bear, plus one. Stupefy!!!!

Patrick edit: 27Dec2006. It seems that The Washington Post agrees with me!


2 Responses to “Jesus Freak Wants Harry Potter Out of School Libraries”

  1. […] Ok seriously I’m interested but not going to lose sleep about it. What I do think will happen is that the book will be released on July 7th as part of some genius marketing scheme (07/07/07 rings nicely) and whenever it does release it’ll quickly become the fastest book to sell a million copies in the history of print. Of course, as I wrote not too long ago, there is one lady I know who won’t be the first in line. […]

  2. […] 2 things celebrated on Christmas Day? I bet you don’t know the answer. I bet Bible-thumping Laura Mallory doesn’t even know the answer. If you do know the answer, why are you out spending an average […]

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