Against the Grain

Slightly more than just jibba jabba

The 12 Steaks of Christmas

Posted by Patrick on 13 Dec 2008

This year, I’ve decided to take on a feat in defying arteriosclerosis. I’ve undertaken a challenge that I like to call the 12 steaks of Christmas.

First, a few notes to fend off religious naysayers. I am not attempting to emulate the real 12 days of Christmas, nor am I trying to connote that my consumption of a copiously large sum of beef equates to some form of religious ritual or any other object which may be related in some daft way to the practice of any organized religion. I’m simply a beef-eating grilling machine with a hunger for some steaks. Take it at face value.

Before taking on this challenge yourself, I suggest that you read up on the health risks associated with consuming red meat (mammalian meat) in large quantities. I’m not a vegetarian but I eat a heap of vegetables at every meal where I also consume these large steaks – mostly because I personally know the risks of binging on beef fat. Also, I plan to take the month of January off from most meats – though I do eat a significant amount of fish and chicken at home, which are both still meat but they’re not mammalian meats. My main rule is that every steak needs to be at least 1 pound – the goal is to get 15 pounds down during this course, since some cuts are significantly larger.

So – here’s the schedule.
#1 – 16oz. top sirloin
#2 – 18oz. NY strip
#3 – Chateaubriand, biggest I can find.
#4 – the biggest steak I can find (50oz Porterhouse)
#5 – 18oz. T-bone
#6 – 18oz. contre-filet delmonico
#7 – 18oz. ribeye
#8 – 24oz. flank steak
#9 – 16oz. top round steak
#10 – 16oz. shoulder steak (or a tri-tip if I can’t find one that big)
#11 – the biggest filet mignon I can find
#12 – 5 pound prime rib feast for all!

I started this quest early in December. Every other day until Christmas Eve I plan to knock one of these off the list. When I told my butcher about my task, he said he was up for it – they don’t normally keep all of these cuts (esp the delmonico) but they’ve done them up nicely when I asked for them. The most expensive one – aside from the porterhouse which I actually dined out to get – was the chateaubriand, but that’s to be expected since it’s a very specific cut and has a low yield per head. I found some that were just over 17oz, so that was the deed.

Except for the prime rib, these will all be grilled. I am a dedicated charcoal griller and I refuse to convert to gas, even in Colorado where there are burning restrictions.


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