Against the Grain

Slightly more than just jibba jabba

Archive for the ‘hotties’ Category

Taking Bets on Hayden’s Closet Status

Posted by Patrick on 10 Dec 2007

We all read the interview or saw the video online where Hayden Panettiere is quoted as saying that she’d love to have an affair with Angelina Jolie, among other hotties with whom many men also want to have an affair.  She’s saying that she’s ok with the media portraying her as a lesbian candidate but didn’t come out and make a statement in either direction about what her reality is.

Before I get down this path, I want to say first that I tolerate all people and their lifestyles as readers of this blog; I don’t bash many types of people simply because of who they are – where I draw my line is when one group of people aims to infringe on the rights of others or the rights of unsuspecting bystanders.  In this case, that is – in the context of this post, if the subject is homosexuality or bisexuality, that’s fine with me.  I have several friends who are one or the other, as many of us do, and I accept people who lead this lifestyle alongside my peers.  For the record, I have voted in favor of gay rights every time I’ve voted on an issue because I believe the old Christian principles, while valuable and influential to a large audience in the US, infringe on the rights of those who may even practice another religion.

Sorry for the diatribe; I want to check my guns at the gate before proceeding.

So, let’s set some odds on Hayden’s quoted relationship candidates and the chances that the hookup will ever happen. I’ll open with these:

Hayden and Angelina:  75:1
Hayden and Charlize:  50:1
Hayden and Jessica Alba:  200:1
Hayden and Kate Beckinsdale:  100:1

Hayden and any currently-declared celebrity B/L:   15:1

At least 1 year passing with no announced hookups:  7:4

What would I pay to see?  How about an episode of Heroes where Hayden and Kristen Bell get steamy; yep that would hold my attention.

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Posted in culture, entertainment, heroes, hotties, opinion, TV, women | Tagged: , , , | 3 Comments »

Men’s Euphemisms for Women

Posted by Patrick on 13 May 2007

If you’re a Laura Mallory or otherwise hypersensitive, mark-of-society woman with no sense of humor that can’t stand to be called anything other than your first name, then please have a nice day and continue on with your life without reading this post.

This is meant to be a fun post. I wish for men to participate and for women to contribute as well as be educated. What I want to take time compiling here are the absolute best nicknames, euphemisms, references, whatever that men use to refer to women and/or their favorite parts of women.

The euphemisms will be classified as such, and upon receiving the first reader submissions I will organize this post into this format:

1) Women in general, including full body/physique jargon
2) upper body including privates
3) lower body including privates
4) butts
5) feets
6) all others

I will be moderating comments and submissions on this post by disallowing standard comments and requiring the contact form at the bottom of this post in their place. My moderation rules are simple: you will receive credit for your submissions if accepted. This is meant to be humorous for men, so if it’s funny, great; if it’s practical, I’ll probably still take it; if it’s neither, chances are slim. In all submissions, you may not defame women or a specific person. Do not send me something which implies violence. You may be crass, you may be off-color (but not obscene), you may be rude if it is funny (to me) — if you think it’s questionable, try me. In the case of all submissions, I will personally decide which ones are posted. If you try to spam me because I rejected your post, I will block your IP address foevah evah and have a nice day.

Posted in educational, hotties, humor, idiocy, opinion, random, women, wtf | Leave a Comment »

Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange

Posted by Patrick on 7 Mar 2007

Helena Bonham Carter

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this fiery vixen is going to be playing the role of Bellatrix Lestrange in the coming “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” which debuts in theaters on 13 July. Quite a far cry from her role in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” I think.

I kinda don’t know what to say here; perhaps I should say — hex me instead. engorgio!

author’s note: as tempted as I am to put up a relatively spicy photo of Emma Watson (Hermione) I’ve got, I can’t promote the underage lasses in that setting. Perhaps when we’re all 18 and proper adults, it’ll come out. For Emma that would be April 15th, next year, if I’m not mistaken.

Posted in harry potter, hotties, News Items | Leave a Comment »

Keeley Hazell’s Unfortunate Video

Posted by Patrick on 1 Mar 2007


First of all, I must say that I had no idea who Keeley Hazell was prior to reading this story, though I had heard this same story a few months ago — possibly a separate thing but related to her. That’s probably because I live under some snow-buried rock in Denver. Secondly, if you came to this post looking for a link to the video, forget it. I’m not going to tell you how to come by a copy of it — if you know, then you already have access to it. If you don’t know, I’m not here to educate.

Out on the wild, wild Internet I came across this compromising video of Keeley with some oiled-up guy. After doing a google images search, though, I wonder how off-kilter something like this really is for her and how much of a publicity stunt it is. Sure, it’s her all right, there’s no debating who the girl is in the video. But I’m coming to a point where I’ve had it with these sex tapes. Let’s face it, if I want to watch a tape of famous people bumping uglies, there’s an entire industry dedicated to doing a *professional* job with videos of that nature. In my line of work I have to deal with this type of explicit stuff on a semi-frequent basis, so I’m not really caught up in the “omfg” attention-grabbing goal of these things anymore. I think Paris Hilton spoiled that for most of the civilized world.

But commenting on the video itself, the one I have seen is not very good after the first few of its 15 minutes (does it need to be *good quality* to be a good video? probably not). Now that I think about it, that’s pretty much all I can say about it. It’s not a very good video. And it carries less merit than Keeley shippers want to give it, for sure.

edit, 8 March 2007: You know, WordPress tracks the search terms used to hit posts. Some of you people need to go see a head doctor. /shudder

Posted in hotties, News Items, omfg, wtf | Leave a Comment »